tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12084428770405490432012-02-13T07:30:50.807-08:00This is the account of a 30 year-old woman child ripped from the Midwest and plopped into NYC. I am prone to panic attacks on the subway, drunken debauchery, soaring spells of superiority followed by esteem crushing lows, moments of hilarity inspired by rage, and a penchant for eating gross food.RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.comBlogger331100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-73360826606556461122010-03-01T13:12:00.000-08:002010-03-01T13:51:42.712-08:00

I was terribly lazy and down in the dumpsy for a solid chunk of February. Typically March is the month of despair but I'm glad I got it out of my system a little earlier this time around. Anywho, I have decided this is FAKE IT 'TIL I MAKE IT MARCH. If I fake that things are totally awesome and that I feel really hopeful and positive and healthy, then by law of osmosis, these qualities will become

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-49193063940679483152010-02-10T15:00:00.000-08:002010-02-10T16:06:28.999-08:00

This is a new segment in which I, Brooke Van Poppelen, aka health expert and Uninsured Hypochondriac field all sorts of medical questions based on years of terrified google researching and Web MD browsing to try and figure out what the hell was going on with my failing health. Feel free to submit questions about what seems to be ailing you and I will do my best to give you an internet based

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-16722665018529984932010-02-03T22:03:00.000-08:002010-02-10T14:53:26.153-08:00

This is a new segment in which I, Brooke Van Poppelen, aka health expert and Uninsured Hypochondriac field all sorts of medical questions based on years of terrified google researching and Web MD browsing to try and figure out what the hell was going on with my failing health. Feel free to submit questions about what seems to be ailing you and I will do my best to give you an internet based

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-24333403549169159982010-01-06T13:22:00.000-08:002010-01-06T15:10:39.676-08:00

Many of you are wondering aloud, "How does Brooke Van Poppelen intend to keep up her break-neck pace of success in 2010?"Well my friends, I am going to let you in on a little secret of the stars: The Dry-Erase Board.To me, a dry-erase board means business. No longer is it the passive-aggressive communication tool used by 22 year-old housemates who hate one another for not doing the dishes. Nay.

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-54164692562840766462009-12-17T07:47:00.000-08:002009-12-17T08:09:42.025-08:00

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RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-25035683301674209502009-12-11T11:56:00.000-08:002009-12-14T17:44:36.896-08:00

To my massive amounts of followers, I just wanted to pimp out my very dear friend Suzi Barrett who quite frankly needeth no pimping. But, since I just spent a fabulous weekend with her after seeing her in the very funny show Worst Laid Plans I thought I would give her a shout out. Afterall, Suzi and I glued a pube beard onto a dude who passed out at a party. That is a good friend.This is her

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-4388246087930957752009-11-07T11:05:00.000-08:002009-11-11T09:19:02.360-08:00

I posted an article on Lemondrop.com about how it feels to be on the receiving end of a bad haircut even after you've been to great lengths to verbally and visually explain what you're going for. After having this happen to me for the umpteenth time because most hairdressers can't wrap their minds around the concept of curly hair being longer when it's wet, I was graced with the only retribution

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-36080394100358847062009-10-08T19:21:00.000-07:002009-12-16T00:23:09.792-08:00

Not in like, the "in love with" sense. Although actually me and the boyfriend truly are in love with hot dogs, we are just actually mad about NYC gourmet hot dogs. Pissed, actually.I NEVER YELP, but I must admit, we filled a whole night giggling and writing nasty reviews about places we hate that pushed us to our limit. I am telling you...when people, places, and things aren't very good, they

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-45703817564678905782009-10-06T20:48:00.000-07:002009-10-06T22:29:53.920-07:00

The name of this photo file on my computer is "pure terror". This my friend, is a mustache bug. In NYC, people call it a silver fish but I beg to differ. The words "silver" and "fish" evoke a sleek, futuristic image or at least hearken to mind an aquatic creature, which last time I checked cannot crawl across my ceiling in the middle of the night. I will get back to this dead beat in a moment.In

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-21576689096050447752009-08-26T21:15:00.000-07:002009-08-26T22:06:16.935-07:00

I want to bust heads every time I see someone in my immediate neighborhood carrying around a thousand plastic bags. Even 1 plastic bag makes me want to assault someone. Seriously. This crap needs to stop immediately. I have a few, very few, areas in which I am superior to others and one of them undoubtedly is lack of plastic bag use. In your FACE! I am so good at it, that even when I forget to

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-57533898101518125072009-08-05T12:50:00.000-07:002009-08-05T16:04:40.965-07:00

Inspired by Anthony Bourdain's Chicago episode of "No Reservations", I made a vow to eat some gourmet hot dogs at my old neighborhood joint Hot Doug's. I lived in Roscoe Village around the original incarnation of the encased meat eatery's location in 2003. My eyes popped out of my skull when I learned that on the weekends they actually fry their french fries in goose fat. Me and my live-in

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-30048325329064350492009-08-05T12:32:00.001-07:002009-08-05T14:24:00.632-07:00

I have enjoyed some really great feedback from Lemondrop.com readers regarding my new column called "Am I the Worst Person Ever?" It's a great little article that tackles the topic of saying no to being in a wedding party. You can read it here.But in the original version I supplied the most awesome link to Bachman Turner Overdrive's "Takin' Care of Business" which is a crowd pleaser at shitty

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-753122761554059492009-07-02T17:02:00.000-07:002009-07-02T19:02:56.694-07:00

Flying home to the Midwest was the usual mass of insanity, uncleanliness, misinformation, and aggravation last week. I am now certain I could have a gallon jug of poison with a stick of dynamite duct taped to it in my carry on and I would still pass through security without controversy. I think La Guardia could care less about safety as long as people are departing with dangerous stuff. "Let Ohio

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-60089867331810315972009-06-30T07:27:00.000-07:002009-06-30T08:23:10.153-07:00

I found a new and entertaining way to pass time on the subway platform: Vandalism! I get it now. I totally understand why every inch of this city is painted, tagged, ripped, re-arranged and vandalized. I vowed never to be that person, nor could I understand how a book and an Ipod weren't enough of a distraction for some people. And then I snapped.One of the most obnoxious parts of the MTA station

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-52333505151048373672009-05-04T12:58:00.000-07:002009-05-06T12:59:31.376-07:00

As of late, I have been pretty hard pressed to find a good place in NYC to sing the Doobie Brothers in front of a crowd of strangers. Even harder than that is finding the right kind of karaoke crowd. I seem to keep only finding self-important crowds of idiots who talk over everyone singing or self important idiots who are apparently trying to land a manager who they think might be present in the

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-14280492454229833212009-04-30T14:30:00.000-07:002009-04-30T17:19:24.994-07:00

NYC parties hard. Like, really hard. Getting smashed is a totally celebrated, public affair. How could it be anything else? Unless you lock yourself in your apartment every night to drink alone until your eyes cross, everyone in NYC knows you're drunk.I was 27 when I moved here and had started to ease up on the wild nights and dangerous behavior while living in Chicago. I had been dating a

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-70856269793791597982009-04-28T07:07:00.000-07:002009-04-28T08:26:49.383-07:00

Wow. Does anyone else live in a building where without warning, demolition workers start tearing down the walls in your hallway at 8:30am?I wanted to spring out of bed and scream at what I assumed to be my upstairs neighbors working on an art project---they restore statues, art pieces, signs, you name it. For a week, I have walked into my building to the shocking sight of a 7ft. tall Goofy statue

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-50590991720283639422009-04-13T18:10:00.000-07:002009-04-13T19:41:52.061-07:00

Job hunting in NYC. There's nothing like it. After eating a sleeve of Peeps, I spent a portion of Easter Sunday on craigslist with the hope that there would be less competition responding to ads on the holy of all holy days. This is exactly where my life has found itself. It's not a pretty place. My relationship with craigslist is an abusive one and I keep crawlin' back for some more

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-7887498685004078882009-04-03T07:39:00.000-07:002009-04-03T11:52:21.313-07:00

( this is a photo of me suffering through yet ANOTHER shitty Mexican food experience in NYC)It's time to address this bad joke.The Mexican food here is disheartening to say the least. I wander the streets longingly peering into windows searching for tacos garnished with lime, cilantro and diced onion. I bow my head and continue to scuffle down the street in the pouring rain. It's been 3 years of

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-87841052024568162992009-03-26T09:49:00.000-07:002009-03-26T11:23:32.149-07:00

My boyfriend and I declared the month of March as "No Pizza March". Today is the 26th. I have gone 26 days without pizza in NYC and have 5 more to go. Since moving to NYC which is a haven for Yes-aholics, I have never had to put myself into so many little self-imposed "just say no" programs. Last year was "No Alcohol March" which did nothing other than make me a more impassioned booze hound. I

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-31574285372050262892009-03-03T10:18:00.000-08:002009-03-03T10:27:19.538-08:00

Instead of writing, I have spent the last two weeks promoting myself. I apologize for this, but I am actually trying to be a competitor for this ECNY awards thingy instead of curling up into a ball and hiding. Believe it or not, competition makes me squirm. It's only fun when you know you've got it in the bag......I am a 2 time spelling bee champion, so you would think that the amassed confidence

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-91419073990868712242009-02-09T23:10:00.000-08:002009-02-09T23:19:14.771-08:00

I used to work at Joe Coffee Store in Manhattan. We spent most of last winter co-habitating the shop with a 3 lb rat.He had alot of personality and really enjoyed our assortment of sweets. He mostly came out at night and helped himself to leftover stock which we tried in vain to secure in tough, plastic storage bins. He always found a way in.It was a mostly peaceful relationship, if not annoying

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com97tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-66919797234347304932009-02-05T10:28:00.000-08:002009-02-05T13:06:08.112-08:00

NY----you've done some retarded things. Profoundly retarded.But last night, you really raised the bar.I was leaving a great show I had performed on at Bowery Electric and because of the awful, bone chilling wind, scampered down into the 2nd Avenue F station instead of walking to Delancey.For those of you who don't know this station very well, or anyone who has never been here, a brief description

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com79tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-33222977027971854122009-01-31T10:08:00.000-08:002009-02-02T14:55:05.118-08:00

I am worried that something actually is wrong. As a New Yorker, being impervious to a weak economy is second nature. Or so I thought.I didn't notice anything different among my group of friends and family so I have been living life like normal.I still enjoy taking a car service everywhere even if it's just to the corner bodega. Well, I call it a bodega, but it is actually a world class Patisserie

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-88767299461752441602009-01-21T19:09:00.000-08:002009-01-21T22:14:12.899-08:00

With the current clime of the economy, the cold grey expanse of winter closing in around me, and a career that won’t crack open, I think it’s safe to say I am backsliding into some depression. Ah, familiar, all too cyclical depression folks---it’s not just for Brian Wilson anymore.Being no stranger to the blues given my unstable lifestyle, lack of control over income, and one of those

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-72359091005316287372009-01-19T10:19:00.000-08:002009-01-21T22:18:21.946-08:00

Has anyone ever spent 14 hours at LaGuardia? I highly recommend it as means to push your patience to the limit. I do realize that we had a very brutal amount of snowfall last wednesday and that it made flying "dangerous". Fine.New York does not know what to do when it snows. When it hits, everyone freaks, a state of emergency is declared and the numbskullish behavior begins. I watched my life

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-55491380110941278202009-01-10T07:35:00.000-08:002009-01-21T20:24:36.500-08:00

Prior to living in NYC, I had been blessed with the apparent privilege of having laundry located somewhere in the same vicinity or actual space in which I lived.Oh man was it ever a CHORE to go down 3 flights of stairs into the basement of my Chicago apartment building if I wanted to do laundry once a week. Oh the agony of waiting comfortably in my own living room while the cycles completed and

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-63377104440600294302008-05-07T09:43:00.000-07:002009-01-23T10:05:26.491-08:00

I don't do brunch.For years now, brunch has been a source of aggravation for me. Whether I was attempting to go out for it with my then husband or worse yet actually serving the meal to a bunch of dumb clucks; I detest brunch.I remember working in Chicago’s Lincoln Square at Café Selmarie; a renowned brunch destination and provider of ulcerative colitis for Ms. Van Poppelen and her last nerve.We

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-13942137652863677872007-11-08T11:55:00.001-08:002009-01-21T22:24:20.551-08:00

Just because you’re a hipster doesn’t mean you’re a cooler parent. If anything, you and your retarded, new age hippy parenting skills are way worse than any Midwestern, diaper bag toting, overweight, sweat-suit clad nightmare who has their kid on a leash. At least they see their child for what it is to everyone else; a pest. A pest named Billy who they keep on a leash and smack around when he

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-33096784907412843702007-07-13T09:16:00.000-07:002009-01-21T23:24:01.177-08:00

There is a new drinking game here in Brooklyn! Yes, it was unleashed on the masses Wednesday, July 10th 2007 at approximately 11:47pm after close to 7 hours of drinking at Trout Bar & Grill; my place of employment. It's HIP CUP, everybody!Here's how you play and feel free to improvise around the rules and add your own touches and flourishes.First, spend 8 days in Chicago re-living your old,

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-52046575217154090472007-06-30T11:11:00.000-07:002009-06-30T11:20:46.796-07:00

I’ve seen way to much old person genitalia lately. These clowns won’t lock a bathroom door behind them and EVERY time I swing it open forcefully, they are in there standing with half of their clothes off or hiked up over their head or god knows what and then they stammer at you in their weak, barely audible, ancient voices to “knock next time!” That’s when I fly off the handle and tell them to “

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-73693577497165038472007-02-27T21:13:00.000-08:002009-01-19T10:51:05.605-08:00

Sobering subway rides home are a great time to question who you are and what in god’s name you are doing with your life. Nothing brings you back to earth quicker than waiting in a dank, subway station at 1:30am, no train in site, bums sleeping all around you while MTA employees are hosing down the platform. Those are depressing moments, or should I say hours, in which you contemplate why you are

RBS Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06210931870874681556noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1208442877040549043.post-22605773586803292432007-02-10T11:17:00.000-08:002007-04-09T12:29:31.074-07:00

OKay kids. Here we go. After close to one year of being in NYC, "The Greatest City on Earth" I have decided to start my blog. Me vs. NYC. Mano a Mano. Bare knuckles. Toe to Toe. Welcome to the soon to be mainstay of your day, NEW YORK IS RETARDED blog.After a year of being completely underwhelmed, annoyed and disgusted by this place, I thought to myself, "Hey Brooke, what better way to vent your

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